relationships

The Real Side of Relationships

From the moment you lay eyes on one another, there is an immediate connection, like you are kindred spirits. All inhibitions are released and he is able to see the real, unfiltered you. The feeling of euphoria is intense as the two of you laugh on queue as if you’ve shared a lifetime of memories and inside jokes until- you tell him you have children. That electric vibe is abruptly interrupted as he says, “I’m not interested in a ready-made family.”

How does something so explosive be reduced to a mere flicker in just seconds? Dating in itself has more than its share of challenges. To add children to the mix only further complicates the situation. Many single, young mothers find it virtually impossible to have a healthy relationship when she has children, because of unresolved issued with her child(ren)’s father.

Baby daddy and baby momma drama has been responsible for the destruction of many relationships. Here are a few tips on how to reduce the “baby daddy” drama in your life and have the healthy relationship that you desire.

Ensure that you have a healthy relationship with your child(ren)’s father. No man wants to walk into the drama of your ex being territorial, indecisive or being disrespected. That means if your ex is in the picture, establish an understanding about dating and co-parenting BEFORE you get into another relationship. Having this conversation is not about you seeking his permission or approval to date, but to set expectations, what you expect from him and what he can expect from you. They last thing you want is an ex showing up at inopportune times with jealous outbursts, telling your children not to respect the new guy, or just giving you hell for no reason at all.

Be positive that you are ready to date. Rebound relationships are destined for disaster. Trying to make your ex jealous, being afraid to be alone, or dating for the kids’ sake are not reasons to get involved with someone new. Take the time to get over your last relationship and have the closure that you need. Also, dating in an investment of time and other resources. Do you have the time to dedicate to a relationship? Balancing work, home, child(ren) and a new romance is no easy feat. Just because you are single, doesn’t mean you are available.

Know what you want from a relationship. For whatever reason your last relationship didn’t work out. Take an honest assessment of your previous relationship. You may have not done anything wrong, but there may be a few things that you could do differently. If you are still blaming him and pointing out what he did wrong, then you are not ready to date. Clearly define your needs, wants and deal breakers of a relationship. If you don’t know what you want, you won’t know when or if you find it.

No matter how amazing of a woman you are, you aren’t for every man with or without children, so rather than seeking your ideal mate, concentrate on being the ideal mate.

 

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